My mirror reminds me often that there is a changing of the guard in optometry. This is an inevitable reality in all of life’s journeys—but, for some reason, it still manages to surprise especially the newest members of the “Old School,” e.g., me.
The “New School” members don’t really have time to ponder such things. They barely have time to take care of many critically important issues, such as tee times and which cell phone plan is more important than putting food on the table.
But is there really a difference between Old School and New School in the world of eye care? After all, are we not held to the same standard ethically, medically and legally? We should all be sort of the same, right? Well, yes, except for the obvious, which includes the number of colonoscopies and AARP memberships.
My crack team of investigators (I have to spend my huge Review of Optometry budget on something) has turned up some very interesting differences between Old School and New School that you need to know:
New School • Direct ophthalmoscopy
• Fundus photography
• Pay for wife’s blepharoplasty
• PD ruler
• Calls receptionist “Honey”
• White lab coat
• Facial lesion on lid
• Cutting carbs
• Adjusting nosepads
• Funny looking disc
• Pay for OCT
• “Won’t OCT do that?”
• Watches “Honey Boo-Boo”
• White iPhone
• Facetime on iPad
• Cutting cards
• Half baked
• Adjusting iPads
• ONH cupping
Old School • “I see cataracts.”
• Accepts vision plans for
• “We’ll have to run some tests.”
• PALs needed
• Casual Fridays
• Need to use YAG laser
• Need great website
• “Your child should have should have an eye exam.”
• Gangnam style
• “I have cataracts.”
• Creates vision plans patients for patients
• “I have to have some tests.”
• Hot compresses
• Pal needs knee replacement
• Why work Fridays?
• Need to have YAG laser
• Hope wife doesn’t find out I looked at a great website.
• “Your child’s child’s child an eye exam.”
• Resected bowel
So, New School doctors, here’s a little advice:
1. Hang around Old School doctors. You’ll be amazed what you didn’t learn in school.
2. Always remember that anyone who has shoes older than you are probably deserves some respect.
And, Old Schoolers?
1. Yes, the New Schoolers are smarter than you. Don’t hate them... Refer to them.
2. And, yes, the New Schoolers can be really dumb sometimes, but not as dumb as you were 30 years ago, I promise.
Just remember: Old or New, we’re all together in the same School.